The Lost Art of Polite Conversation

Over-sharing and "over-asking" has become the social norm thanks to the advent of public cell phone conversations and reality T.V. I cannot, of course exclude myself from this since I would consider myself to be an "over-sharer" at times, except only with those I have constant contact with (friends, close co-workers, etc) people I share my life with daily. Not that I give sexual play-by-play or discuss my family's most intimate details but my heart is firmly planted on my sleeve. I do find it difficult at times to conceal my emotions, but that is not the tone of my post. What I am specifically referring to is conversation among acquaintances and virtual strangers.

I was recently at my husband's cousins baby shower when a woman I have never met leaned right over to me and with a smile asked me if I have any children. I glanced down at her tiny 5-month pregnant bump and quietly replied 'no'. It should have stopped there, nay it should never have been asked but she proceeded with the "interview". "Why don't you have any? Are you going to have any? Are you waiting?" By this time I was hell-bent on embarassing her the way I felt she was embarassing me by asking me all these questions in front of all these mothers with their bouncing babies. So I leaned right in and told her why, which wasn't pretty. Her face showed everything I had felt, she was sorry she asked and I had made my point. That was over-sharing but in my view it needed to happen.

When did it become acceptable to question people on their love lives, their fertility, even their financial ventures? My method to get information from people I don't know is to listen and ask the RIGHT questions. For example, wonder if someone is married? "So have you been to anywhere interesing lately?" Usually the answer will come in the form of we or I. It's not fool-proof but you have asked a polite question to which you may get more information if you listen long enough.

Another question I hate (especially because I know I've gained some weight) are you pregnant? Who asks that? I NEVER, EVER ask that even if the woman looks like she's ready to give birth for several reasons 1) she may just be fat 2) She's already given birth 3) she lost the baby in late term or 4) She may have advanced stomach cancer (I've had a patient with this before, she looked pregnant).

Where did the days of "how's the family", "read any good books lately?", "have you ever been to...?", get to? I miss them. My mother always told me when you meet someone, never talk about, sex, politics or religion. My mum is smart.

Calling all "Medical Types"

For anyone entering, or presently in the medical field and who performs physical exams, this book is invaluable. I have had the priviledge for the last 2+ years to work with both Dr. Ranganathan and Dr. Sivaciyan and as I read this book I can easily detect their individual teaching styles coming through the pages. Both have a breezy, charismatic, comprehensive but most of all detailed way of teaching the ins and outs of cardiology. I purchased this book when it first came out and began reading it, even though I will never perform a cardiac physical exam. The information is still invaluable even for the health sciences student because of the way the authors explain how cardiac disease manifest physically and how to detect certain diseases using the 5 senses in an increasingly technologically inclined world.

My bottom line is that this book stands out among other texts I have read and would be a valuable tool for any clinician to own as part of their health care arsenal.

p.s these guys know I'm not blowing smoke. If I thought that their book sucked I'd say as much. Just thought I'd mention that.

From Holy Mouths comes Holy S***

'Pope Benedict XVI was damned throughout the Muslim world and likened to Hitler and a blood-lusting medieval crusader yesterday after he linked Islam to violence in a speech to a German university.
The Pope, quoting a 15th-century Byzantine emperor, told his audience at the University of Regensburg: "Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Globe and Mail Sept 16/06

Show me something that the Pope has brought that is new and all you will find is violence, hate and evil. All that Pope John Paul II did has been undone by one 'quote' from the 15th century. His defense has been that he was 'only quoting a 15th century Byzantine Emperor. So, then what was the point of quoting it? What did he want to stir in people? Why must he attack a prophet which so many Muslims hold Holy? He has damaged a whole religion and a people for what? If I were still a Catholic I would call for his complete removal from the throne of St. Peter. He is a pitbull that should be muzzled.

Religion and faith should not be a sword which one swings at the throats of others of a different religion, especially when the one wielding that sword is the "leader" of a faith. He was apparently using this quote to illustrate the violence that is against "the nature of God" which he believes the Muslims commit. But did not the very Bible from which he preaches state "let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? While I am in this vein of my diatribe, how many violent and unnecessary wars have been sanctioned by the Vatican and their Pope? Can anyone who has been educated in history recall that Pope Pius V sanctioned the regicide of Elizabeth I of England for being Protestant. Yes a long time ago but when to compared to this current event it runs the same course, inspiring hate in people for others who differ in their beliefs.

So in the end the Catholics have a good example of how not to treat others, how not to honor your God by trashing different faiths which, in the end, aren't so different to Christianity. When you follow a faith whose Messiah taught (pardon the oversimplification) kindness, toleration and reverence for your 'neighbor', it may do well to actually follow that example and leave the quotes of ancient and equally ignorant peoples to the history books. In a time when Catholicism is drowning in its own apathy and where it's ecclesiastical attendance levels are at an all time low, the most "Holy Pope" should focus on his duties to his own religious order and let the others alone. May God, anyone's God, show him light.

2 Mean 4 U

Everyone remembers their school years. Elementary and high school, or at least I do. I always remember wishing for it to be over, and to get out into the real world. I still feel the same, I do not yearn for the "carefree days"of being a student. It was a nightmare. I am not the only one who hated school. I was teased, abused and frankly tortured. I remember one girl who didn't like what I was wearing that day so she grabbed my head and slammed it into the side of a dumpster. The teachers response was "Ignore them and they'll go away". How do you make them go away when they come after you? Adults wonder why the suicide rate among school aged children is up. The answer is not that difficult to figure out.

I am an adult now and though this horrible behavior isn't present in the same form at the workplace it can still manifest. What is different though, is that it is not tolerated at least not in my company. You can and will be fired for being a jackass. What is the underlying mechanism that drives young people to engage in behavior that they would otherwise not? Even their parents are gobsmacked when they hear that their precious, sweet child is in fact an abusive, terror. People, this will not be news... It is the same mechanism that drives young people to join a gang. Friends who torture together, stay together. You are either with them or against them and no one wants to be on the outside.

Could we stop this? Not likely since it is a part of the development process in our society. What we can do as adults is to listen to our kids, whether they are on the giving or receiving end of the bullying. Kids will give off subtle hints that they are having or giving trouble. Ask the right question and you may uncover the answer.

Parents would do well to listen closely to their children as they recount (or fail to) their school day. I realize we are all so busy but hey, what did we have kids for? What is done today may take years to undo later on, if you're lucky enough to get that chance. Kids will be kids, but it is our duty as parents and supervising adult to make sure they are kids for as long as possible without the abuse, bullying and misery.

Where Were You?

This coming Monday will be the 5th anniversary of 9/11. I certainly remember where I was on that horrific day. I was in my second year of college and home sick that dya with my yearly late summer cold. I was woken up at 8:20 in the morning when my mum called me to tell me to turn on the news. I went downstairs where my dad was watching T.V with my then fiance. My dad couldn't even peel his eyes away when he said "someone's going to be in big trouble!" For days none of us could leave the living room. I managed to concentrate in class but promptly ran to my car after class to listen to the news. CNN became a permanent fixture in our house for about a week. We eventually went to our cottage and vowed not to turn on the T.V. Even though none of was even in NYC, it still drained us emotionally to watch the devestation and feel the pain inflicted on humanity that day. Five years later, I still can't watch video footage of that day without a small shudder creeping its way up my back. Regardless of the reasons why it happened or the events it subsequently brought about, my thoughts are still with those who lost loved ones, my pain for them is still as raw and my hope is still as great that the world will never again encounter such evil. Lest we forget.