The Lost Art of Polite Conversation
Over-sharing and "over-asking" has become the social norm thanks to the advent of public cell phone conversations and reality T.V. I cannot, of course exclude myself from this since I would consider myself to be an "over-sharer" at times, except only with those I have constant contact with (friends, close co-workers, etc) people I share my life with daily. Not that I give sexual play-by-play or discuss my family's most intimate details but my heart is firmly planted on my sleeve. I do find it difficult at times to conceal my emotions, but that is not the tone of my post. What I am specifically referring to is conversation among acquaintances and virtual strangers.
I was recently at my husband's cousins baby shower when a woman I have never met leaned right over to me and with a smile asked me if I have any children. I glanced down at her tiny 5-month pregnant bump and quietly replied 'no'. It should have stopped there, nay it should never have been asked but she proceeded with the "interview". "Why don't you have any? Are you going to have any? Are you waiting?" By this time I was hell-bent on embarassing her the way I felt she was embarassing me by asking me all these questions in front of all these mothers with their bouncing babies. So I leaned right in and told her why, which wasn't pretty. Her face showed everything I had felt, she was sorry she asked and I had made my point. That was over-sharing but in my view it needed to happen.
When did it become acceptable to question people on their love lives, their fertility, even their financial ventures? My method to get information from people I don't know is to listen and ask the RIGHT questions. For example, wonder if someone is married? "So have you been to anywhere interesing lately?" Usually the answer will come in the form of we or I. It's not fool-proof but you have asked a polite question to which you may get more information if you listen long enough.
Another question I hate (especially because I know I've gained some weight) are you pregnant? Who asks that? I NEVER, EVER ask that even if the woman looks like she's ready to give birth for several reasons 1) she may just be fat 2) She's already given birth 3) she lost the baby in late term or 4) She may have advanced stomach cancer (I've had a patient with this before, she looked pregnant).
Where did the days of "how's the family", "read any good books lately?", "have you ever been to...?", get to? I miss them. My mother always told me when you meet someone, never talk about, sex, politics or religion. My mum is smart.
I was recently at my husband's cousins baby shower when a woman I have never met leaned right over to me and with a smile asked me if I have any children. I glanced down at her tiny 5-month pregnant bump and quietly replied 'no'. It should have stopped there, nay it should never have been asked but she proceeded with the "interview". "Why don't you have any? Are you going to have any? Are you waiting?" By this time I was hell-bent on embarassing her the way I felt she was embarassing me by asking me all these questions in front of all these mothers with their bouncing babies. So I leaned right in and told her why, which wasn't pretty. Her face showed everything I had felt, she was sorry she asked and I had made my point. That was over-sharing but in my view it needed to happen.
When did it become acceptable to question people on their love lives, their fertility, even their financial ventures? My method to get information from people I don't know is to listen and ask the RIGHT questions. For example, wonder if someone is married? "So have you been to anywhere interesing lately?" Usually the answer will come in the form of we or I. It's not fool-proof but you have asked a polite question to which you may get more information if you listen long enough.
Another question I hate (especially because I know I've gained some weight) are you pregnant? Who asks that? I NEVER, EVER ask that even if the woman looks like she's ready to give birth for several reasons 1) she may just be fat 2) She's already given birth 3) she lost the baby in late term or 4) She may have advanced stomach cancer (I've had a patient with this before, she looked pregnant).
Where did the days of "how's the family", "read any good books lately?", "have you ever been to...?", get to? I miss them. My mother always told me when you meet someone, never talk about, sex, politics or religion. My mum is smart.
posted by Blair A-E at 6:37 PM
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